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LE DETACHEMENT

Posted on 22 June, 2017 at 11:40

Ouf!  Les détachements comme ça peut être dur!


Moi j’ai beaucoup de difficulté à me détacher des gens, des situations, et même des émissions qui termine (c'est fou ;o))…  Bref tout ce qui prend fin...  Les fins et les débuts c’est souvent quelque chose de très challengeant pour moi…  un défi de laisser aller ce qui était, surtout les bonnes choses, les activités les gens que j’ai aimés et qui doivent quitter ma vie pour une raison ou une autre…  Ouf!  C’est dur à accepter…  Et parfois, long à accepter que ce qui a été n’est plus. 


Ça fait remonter en moi un profond sentiment d’injustice…  Pourquoi les choses agréables, qu’on aime et qui nous nourrissent, doivent-elles toujours avoir une fin?  Ça me met parfois même en colère.  Il y a des choses et des gens, des situations que j’ai bien du mal à laisser partir…  Il me semble qu’il n’y a que les bonnes choses qui partent, tandis que les moins bonnes, celles que j’aimerais voir disparaître, s’éternisent et durent indéfiniment…


Bien sûr, derrière tout ça, il y a des leçons, des compréhensions et des apprentissages à faire…  Est-ce juste parce que je n’ai pas encore appris la leçon?  N’est-il pas normal que je cherche à m’accrocher à ce qui me fait sentir en sécurité, qui donne du sens à ma vie et me donne une raison de vivre, qui me donne de la joie et qui contribue à mon bonheur?  Je sais bien qu’il faut développer l’autonomie, sortir de nos zones de confort pour se découvrir vraiment, découvrir de nouvelles passions, grandir, et aller au bout de soi-même et de son potentiel…  Mais pourquoi c’est si dur de se détacher alors?

 

Laisser aller ce qui était, c'est épeurant…  C’est un moment de passage dans un grand vide (plein de possibilités j’en conviens) et je ne sais pas ce qui s’en vient pour moi.  Est-ce que je rencontrerai encore des gens avec qui je connecterai autant, des gens qui m’aimeront autant, des situations qui vont me nourrir?  Combien de temps ça prendra cette fois avant que je me retrouve et que je retrouve ce sentiment de sécurité, ce sentiment d’être à ma place, à la bonne place?  Combien de temps avant que ça ne devienne ma nouvelle zone de confort?

 

Les passages dans ma vie ne se sont pas toujours si bien déroulés.  Dans ce moment de grand vide, je me sens comme un électron libre qui ère sans but précis dans un espace intersidéral et qui ne sait pas à quoi se raccrocher pour donner du sens à l’expérience… 

 

Certes, c’est un moment très créateur si on accepte de voguer et de se laisser porter par ce grand courant de vie…  Mais ce sentiment de totale liberté est si attirant et effrayant à la fois…  Que faire de cette liberté?  Et si je ne faisais pas les bons choix?  Et si je me trompais? Et si je me perdais?  Et si j’avais tout perdu pour rien…  Et si je n’arrivais pas à me recréer de nouveau, à réussir ma venue au monde cette fois-ci?  Qu’est-ce qui m’attend sinon la mort?  La mort à ce qui était...

 

Et dans cette optique la mort me semble le comble de l’échec, mais en fait, c’est  plutôt le fait de rester dans cette peur et de ne rien tenter, de ne même pas essayer…  qui me fait mourir à petit feu... Et tant pis si je déploie autant d’énergie et que ça ne donne pas ce que j’espérais.  J’aurai au moins créé quelque chose…  Ce sera quelque chose de nouveau peut-être, et de méconnu peut-être…  qui fera que sur le coup je ne lui reconnaitrai pas toute sa beauté, toute son originalité, que je ne reconnaitrai pas en quoi toute cette expérience m’a transformée et m’a obligée à aller au fond de moi, au bout de mes capacités, à voir les choses autrement…

 

Et si après m’avoir tout enlevé, la vie me retourne où j’étais… soit je me rends compte que ce n’est plus ce que je veux, soit j’apprécie davantage et je construis sur de nouvelles bases.  Rien ne sera plus jamais pareil et c’est parfait comme ça…

 

Pour en arriver là, il a bien fallu que je lâche prise sur ce qui était…  Et il a bien fallu que je me donne le temps de faire tous les deuils qui y étaient rattachés…  Mais il a fallu aussi que j’affronte toutes mes plus grandes peurs.  Il a bien fallu que je me donne le droit de les ressentir, de les accueillir et de les dépasser…  Tout cela pour me rendre compte que certaines étaient justifiées, mais que dans la grande majorité, elles n’étaient que des constructions de mon mental qui s’attend toujours au pire parce qu’un jour quelque chose de mauvais est arrivé… 

 

Bien sûr, on n’est pas à l’abri de rien et les « mauvaises expériences » ont toujours quelque chose à nous enseigner, quelque chose à nous faire grandir, et juste pour cela j’aimerais réussir à arrêter de chercher à les éviter… 

 

Mais il y a encore ce petit quelque chose à l’intérieur de moi qui craint, qui doute et qui a envie de se pousser ou de se cacher…  Il y a ce petit quelque chose qui croit qu’il n’est pas assez bon pour réussir ou digne d’être aimé, qu’il n’est pas digne de confiance, et les autres non plus, que la vie m’a déjà trompé ou que je ne mérite pas tout ce qui m’arrive…

 

Voilà en vérité ce que j’ai à dépasser.  Et c’est dans les profondeurs de mon être, dans une couche de mon inconscient que se cache la réponse à toutes ces questions qui me semblent sans réponses…  C’est l’enfant à l’intérieur, mort de peur à l’idée d’être abandonné et de ne pouvoir trouver à subsister, qui s’est tapi dans l’ombre de ma conscience et qui se rejoue les scénarios passés pour éviter qu’ils ne se répètent… 

 

Éviter cette douleur et cette insécurité à tout prix.  Et c’est alors au moment de mes plus grands accomplissements, et surtout de mes plus grands dépassements, que cet enfant mort de trouille trouve un moyen, une stratégie habilement calculée, pour me saboter dans cet élan d’émancipation et de création d’une nouvelle vie…  Cette partie subtile de moi, mais ô combien efficace, a réussi à me manipuler afin de rester en sécurité, tapie dans sa zone de confort et dans un sentiment croit-il de paix.  Mais cet enfant est en survie et n’a donc jamais tout à fait grandi…

 

Il faudra bien qu’il sorte un jour de sa caverne, pour grandir et découvrir tout ce que la vie a à lui offrir:  la paix, la joie, la vraie sécurité, le sentiment de vivre dans l’abondance et d’être aimé pour ce qu’il est, apprécié et reconnu à sa juste valeur, découvrir qu’il n’est jamais tout à fait seul et qu’il n’a plus à s’isoler…  Tout ce qu’il a toujours désiré ne se trouve qu’à quelques pas en dehors de sa cage, en dehors du coffre de sécurité… 


Il est sur le point de comprendre que l’abondance et la sécurité il ne sert à rien de les enfermer et de se les approprier, car ce sont des états d’être qui sont en chacun et qui sont disponibles à tous ceux qui souhaitent y accéder…  Si seulement on accepte de lâcher prise sur la forme…  Si seulement on accepte de se détacher de ce qui était et de se donner le droit de se créer autrement…  Accepter d’être une plus belle version de soi-même.


Par: Sherley Cantin

Categories: None

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2:46 on 5 December, 2022 
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